This one time I went to watch the Davis Cup tennis live—Canada v. Chile. Frederic Niemeyer, of Montreal, was in the middle of his serving motion, he’d already tossed the ball in the air, when someone sitting in the rows above me suddenly yelled out into the still silence of the Corral in Calgary, “Osti de crisse de tabarnak de câlisse!!!!” Which caused Niemeyer to double over laughing. The ball fell to the ground. Fredric took a moment to compose himself. You don't hear that phrase shouted in Calgary every day. And not usually while serving.
“Host of Christ, tabernacle, chalice!”
Strong words, my Quebecois friend, that is how you do it. Wikipedia says the phrase (Osti de crisse de tabarnak de câlisse) carries the approximate weight that “Jesus Fucking Christ” does in English. In that sense, the Quebecois phrase seems similarly malleable according to context of usage and vocal intonation etc. You can say it in anger, you can sigh it in frustration, you can say it while laughing. The timing of the unknown comic heckler’s delivery was impeccable, that’s why I still retain the memory. I was also left envious about the specificity of profanity in Quebec. In English you can put the word “fucking” in the middle of any other two words and make it vulgar. Robin Fucking Black. Mashed Fucking Potatoes. Nova Fucking Scotia. It’s fun that never stops. But not super inventive. In English it’s hard to vulgarize specific objects, make the name itself so nasty you have to be careful how you say them. If we did--and if we turned religious artifacts and traditions with which we grew up, but which now strike us as loathsome, into our strongest swear words--I would like to submit the following for new swear word contention, and show how easily they would work in everyday use.
“Pulpit, offering plate, megachurch! that was a good dessert."
And then, when I was getting so frustrated I couldn't take no more I'd let loose with:
“Televangelism, baptismal tank, communion cup! how many times do I have to tell you the answer is no!"
I think you would probably have to wash out your mouth with soap if you said that last one, People are going to be offended.